The Jacquie Hirsch for A.L.L. Foundation


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Cause' when push        
        comes to shove
You taste what        
        you're made of.
You might bend,        
        till you break
Cause its all        
        you can take.
On your knees        
        you look up,
Decide you've        
        had enough.
You get mad,        
        you get strong,
Wipe your hands        
        shake it off,
November 2011

November 29th, 2011 -  Dear Sweetheart, last week I had the TV on in the early morning, and the "Today Show" was on.  They were doing a piece about a group of photographers who donated their time and equipment to photogragh our military men and women who were either deploying or returning from deployment.  It was very moving and I thought "what a wonderful thing to do for all those who fight to keep us free".  I was impressed with the idea of people giving without expecting anything in return, just like you!  The families they interviewed said how much the photos meant to them and how great it was to have those memories close to their hearts.  Near the end of the story, there was a brief moment when I swear I saw your "We Believe " bracelet on someone's wrist.  It happened so fast that by the time I jumped up to get a closer look, the picture was over.  I have been missing you so very much lately, so I thought I had probably just imagined it because I wanted to see you.  I thought about it a number of times over the next few days, but didn't say anything to anyone, thinking they would think I've finally lost it all the way.
Well, yesterday, Amanda Parisi (maiden name), sent an email to the foundation.  She wanted to let us know that she was sending us an attachment that would show your bracelet on the "Today Show"!!!!!!!!  She said the two people holding hands were her and her husband.  He had just returned from his deployment, and the photo was taken by one of these special photographers.  And there it is- your bracelet so beautiful and purple, on her wrist as she holds hands with her husband.  It is an awesome sight.  It is strong and powerful and speaks of the love between the two of them and her love for you.  It is truly an incredible photo, and tribute to you.  I cried when I saw it and wasn't sure if I had imagined it, now I cry each time I watch the clip she sent us.  It is wonderful to see.  Thank you, Amanda, for that very special gift, not only to Jacquie, but to Torey, TJ, and myself as well.  You have given us a wonderful memory and we will cherish it always.  I am going to try to get a photo of it so I can have it framed and put on display in Jacquie's case at the gym school.  I want everyone to see it. 
To You, My Daughter, thank you.  I am sure that somehow you helped that whole process along.  What are the chances that out of all the service men and women who would be having their pictures taken, one of them who ended up on TV, would be a friend of yours, wearing your bracelet.  Maybe it is just wishful thinking on my part, but I want to BELIEVE that you sent that gift our way. 
Remember, My Jacquie, I miss you and I love you.  I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that, with all my heart and soul.  I love you more today than yesterday, and not nearly as much as I will love you tomorrow.  I am here, you are there and I am waiting until we are together again.  I am waiting to hold you, and hug you, and kiss you.  I am waiting for the day when I never have to let you go.  Love, your mom

November 27th, 2011 -  Dear Jacquie, so sad today, I miss you.  Love mom

November 25th, 2011 -  Dear Jacquie, we missed you so much yesterday.  As it has been  since you were taken from us, and since it will always be until we are together again, your chair at our table was empty.  And we missed you.  I made dinner for your dad, TJ and me, and we had a quite meal together, just the 4 of us.  We know you were there, because we know you wouldn't leave us alone, especially on a holiday.  I spent a good part of the day trying to remember to be thankful and not angry.   I am thankful that you showed us all the better side of life while you were with us.  You showed us how to give, without expecting to recieve in return.  You showed us that sometimes a smile means more than a hundred words.  You showed us that a word of praise is just as easy to say as a word of hurt.  You showed us that sharing gives a person a reason to smile inside as well as outside.  You showed us that the world needs teachers who care about the children, not just a paycheck.  You showed us that children can often be the teachers, and adults, the students.  You showed us that life is sometimes unfairly short, and that we must be grateful for each we are given.  I am so thankful for all this that you taught us, and so much more.  But more than anything, I am thankful for you, My Daughter.  And although I get depressed and sad and angry, I try to never forget the lessons you showed us by your example.  And I try to remember that someday, we will be together again.  And then your chair will not be empty anymore.
My Sweet Jacquie, I miss you and I love you.  I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that.  I will love you with all my heart and soul, and all that I am, or will ever be.  I love you with every breath I take and each beat of my heart.  You are of me, and I of you, and nothing will ever change that.  I am waiting for you and I know you will not leave me.  My strength comes from you, and any courage I have, I learned from you.  Love, your mom

November 23rd, 2011 -  Dear Jacquie,  I had to get up early this morning to take Fozi to the vet.  She has a problem with her kidneys and the doctor needs to keep her for a while.  Please take care of her.  You picked her out of the litter 14 years ago, and she is still your kitty.  I have tried to take good care of her for you, but she is getting a little old.  So if you can, please watch over her.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, but I really don't want to think about another holiday without you.  So, I will just send wishes to anyone who still reads this, to have avery Happy Thanksgiving.  Please remember to be thankful for your family and friends and all the wonderful memories that you have.  Be thankful for your health.  Be thankful that you have loved one to celebrate this holiday with. And if you can, be thankful that you knew My Jacquie, and that she was a part of your life.  Because I HAVE to BELIEVE that in some way, even if only a small way, knowing Jacquie made your life just a little bit better.  And that if she were here, she would want us the be thankful for the lives we have.  I wish you were here, My Jacquie.
My Sweet Daughter, I miss you and I love you.  I will be forever thankful that you were given to us.  You and TJ are the most precious of gifts we could ever recieve, we know that with all of our hearts.  I am thankful for the time you spent with me, and the memories we made.  I am thankful that you shared so much with me, so much more than many moms are ever given the honor to share with their daughters.  I am thankful for the things you let me teach you and for the things you taught me.  I am thankful that you loved me, no matter what.  I am thankful that you showed me how to be a mom and were patient with me when I made mistakes.  I am thankful that you and TJ love me thissssssssssssssssssss much.  I know you love me, but "I love you more".  Love, mom

November 20th, 2011 -  Dear Jacquie, as you saw, the past couple days were busy.  I wish you had been with us, we all missed you so much.  The Vera Bradley Party on Friday night went very well.  So many of your family and friends came, as they always do.  It was nice to see some of the people we don't have a chance to see very often, but who manage to come to support your events and your foundation, to support YOU!   I wish you were here.  The new winter patterns are so pretty and I know that at least  two of them would have caught your eye.  I found myself wondering why I couldn't buy things for you.  I wondered why you couldn't be there to greet your guests, and visit with so many of the people who helped make your most special memories.  I wondered why you weren't there to make more memories.  Debbie and her staff did an outstanding job, as they always do, hosting the party.  We are grateful to them for undertaking this event each year, and are thankful that you are still in their lives. 
The Buffalo Bills Party at the gym was another success this weekend.  WE had about 25 people there and I know everyone had a great time.  Once again, the most important person that was missing was you.  You would have made the party so complete.  Your friends who spent time there with you when you were growing up had wonderful memories to share with us, and we laughed at some of the funny stories.  The Bills were terrible, but we didn't much care.  We were there for YOU and that is all that mattered.  We are planning to do a Sabres Party at the gym in late Feb., or early March, because your friends want to do it again, but this time they want a sleepover.  Remember the sleepovers you and TJ used to have there?  I wish you were here.  It continues to be more clear to us that you have touched many, many lives.  And more than that, you have given so many some wonderful memories that they will carry with them all their lives.  Some may even share those memories with their families and friends.  They will talk of the incredible girl, and woman, they know who gave so much to all of us.  The Jacquie who made us laugh and smile, and who taught us strength and courage and dignity.  I hope that when people speak of you, they smile, and they remember your smile.  I hope they see the light that your life brings to all who know you.  I wish you were here.
My Sweet Little Girl, I miss you.  I love you.  I grieve for you.  I need you.  I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that, with all my heart and soul.  You are my heart and it beats for you.  You are my sunshine and my rainbows.  I see you in all I do and all that I am.  I wish you were here so I could hold you again, and kiss you and laugh with you.  I wish.  Love, your mom

November 17th, 2011 -  Dear Jacquie, Day 1164.  And again I ask why?  I think about all I wanted for you and all you dreamed of for yourself and I wonder why it would not be.  You, Jacqueline Elisabeth Hirsch, had so much potential.  You had powers you never even dreamed of.  I know there were times when you thought there were things you couldn't do or accomplish, but there were never any limitations in what you could achieve.  And you made yourself try, even if you weren't quite sure of the outcome, and you proved to yourself that you could accomplish anything.  You should have had a lifetime of accomplishing and proving there are no limits.  Your legacy now, is doing that for you.  Your name, your story and your life are making it possible for your accomplishments to continue.  We are trying to draw from you strength and courage and make sure that your life with no limitations continues.  We really are trying, but sometimes it is hard without you.  Friday is your Vera Bradley Party, Sunday is your Buffalo Bills Day At The Gym Party.  I hope we make you proud.  
My Sweet Sweet Daughter,  again I will say how much I miss you.  Again I will tell you that I will love you forever and ever and always and longer than that, with all my heart and soul.  Again I will tell you that I look for you in everything I do and I wait for you to give me a sign that you are with me.  Please don't leave me alone.  Love, your mom

November 13th, 2011 - Dear Seet Jacquie, things haven't been easy lately.  I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I have been thinking of you , how oftren you are on my mind.  How often I see your face or hear your laugh.  And I look for you, but you aren't here.  It is still so hard for me, being so far away from you.  I want so very much to be with you, to look at you, to talk to you- to hold in my arms.  I want to tell you that I will be with you again, that everything will someday be alright.  But I don't know when that will be, and until then, my heart will stay broken.   I need you to keep reminding me that I have a dream to make come true for you.  I need you to remind me that I have to keep going.  I need you.
My Jacquie, I miss you and I love you so much.  Your dream is so important to me, to all of us.  And because of that, I get up each morning with a purpose.  Without that, I don't know what I would do now.  I thought life was so unfair and hard while you were sick, but now it is worse because you aren't here anymore.  I love you and I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that with all my heart and soul.  Can you send me a rainbow?  I love you, mom 

November 10th, 2011 - Dear Jacquie, today was a big day for your dad and brother.  Dad was inducted into the Williamsville School District's Hall of Fame.  He was one of only 7 selected from the 3 Williamsville High Schools.  There were 3 from North, and 2 each, from South and East.  There was a breakfast at the Westwood Country Club in the morning, and then he went to give his speech, with the other two inductees, at a student assembly at North.  It is a huge honor and we are all very proud of him.  I know you are too.  Dad bought an exta seat at our table for you.   I know you were there with us, because you would want dad to know that you love him and are proud of him.  While your dad was at the assembly at North, we went down to the Buffalo Convention Center to TJ's big day- he was named one of Buffalo First Magazines "Forty Under Forty".  He was selected as one of the 40 out of about 125 nominated, to be honored as one of Buffalo's up and coming business people under 40 years old.  Aunt Christine nominated him and the selection committee agreed that he was definately a winner!!  They had a luncheon and then  inductees were brought up on stage and were given an award.  One of the speakers gave a short speech about his accomplishments, it was great!  I wish you could have been next to us, I wish you could have been there to share their honors.  I wish.........
My Jacquie, I know you caan se what is going on here, and how hard things have become.  I know you think I am not trying hard enough to keep going, but I am.  It's just that we keep taking hits and there is no relief.  The days get worse and I spend the nights wondering what will go wrong tomorrow.  I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do.  The time here is hard and I just keep thinking that there has to be a better place.  I miss you, you can't even know how much I miss you.  And I love you more than life itself.  I will love you forever and ever and always, and longer than that.  I love you with all my heart and all my soul.  I will wait to be with you, and someday we will al be together again, the way it was meant to be.  I love you. Love, your mom

November 6th, 2011 - Dear Jacquie,  Did you see it Jacquie????  Did you see the Dancers Give Back Event yesterday???  Did you see how absolutely incredible it was???  It was like you- amazing.  This is the fourth year and it had to be moved to a bigger school this year because the school that it had been in previously was too small now!  May Alice, Ali, and A.J. did a wonderful job. We are in awe of what they organized and set up, and how everything ran so well.  The parents who helped, the dancers who danced and all the people who donated, worked so hard to make it a success.  The guest dancer, Ida, came from New York City to help raise money for YOUR foundation.  She just recently lost a friend to leukemia and was so gald to be able to help us in our quest to find a cure.  There were hundreds and hundreds of people there, and they all came to support YOU.  Your SDT sisters came from Geneseo to be there and support you too, and I had the chance to meet them.  Oh My Jacquie, you would love them.  They are so like you in many ways, and I felt so honored to meet them.  It was as though I was back at the sorority house wtih you and meeting your "sisters" for the first time.  They are all wonderful women, and they offered to help us with the Tinker Ball this year.  Imagine, your "sisters" all dressed up in gowns and helping us.  How great that will be.  Ali gave her speech and Jacquie, I BEIEVE you must have been so proud of her.  Your Ali, speaking in front of all those people and sharing your story.  She spoke from her heart and she honored you with her words.  She did  so well and the slide show was wonderful.  TJ also spoke briefly, to give our thanks to everyone.  He is one very fine speaker.  Everytime I hear him address a group, I am so proud of him.  And anyone who hears him speak can hear and feel his love for you.  He, too, speaks from his heart and his words tell a story of love for his sister and the saddness he lives with each day.  His words bring tears to eyes, and a determination to find a cure.  The whole day was such a success and I know how proud you are of Ali and everyone who made it so.  There was certainly a little Angel looking out for you when she put Ali in you life.
My Jacquie, day 1156 and the pain lonliness and pain is still here.  I know you try to give me little signs that you are with me, but I can never get enough.  I wait for you.  I talk to you.  I sing to you.  I cry for you.  And I look for any little thing that might be you telling me you are near.  Don't leave me.  I miss you.  I will love you forever and ever and always and longer than that, with all my heart and  soul.  You are the beating of my heart and the breaths that I take.  You are My Daughter, now and forever.  And we are four, now and forever.  Someday, we will be four together again.  I am wating.  Love, mom

November 2nd, 2011 - Dear Jacquie,  Tonight was girls gymnastic sectional, and once again, your "Jacquie Hirsch Tink Award" was given out.  The award goes to one gymnast on each of the 13 high school teams who has your amazing spirit.  The program has an explanation in it regarding why the award is given,  for those who did not have chance to have you in their lives,  Part of it says  "We lost an outstanding Section 6 gymnast who had the unbelievable spirit, enthusiasm for life, encouragement for others and a caring and kind attitude for all.  Jacquie brought this spirit to the gym, school, work, and anyone who happened to step into her pathway."  For those who knew you, they know this is only a small part of what you gave to our world.  For those who never had the chance, it is sad that they will not have the honor and joy of knowing how much more there is to that staement.  I think of your time on the high school team, and all the fun and drama that went with it.  What a wild and crazy time your high school years were.  I never knew what your arrival home from school would bring.  What I did know, was that no matter how good or not so good your day was, at some point shortly after you came home, we would be talking and laughing and sharing.  High school gymnastics for you was fun and you enjoyed being part of your team.  Yes, I know that there were problems and issues.  But we both know that whenever you have more that two high school girls together, there is bound to be drama!  So, we talked and laughed and sometimes you cried, but eventually you moved on to the next day, ready to deal with whatever it held.  We were so proud of you.  Yes, My Jacquie- you are amazing.
My Sweetheart,  I miss you.  I love you.  I will love you forever and ever and always and longer than that, with all my heart and soul.  My love for you is unconditional, and will never die.  It will grow with each day and you will always feel my love, no matter where we are.  And someday, I will once again be able to show you just how much I love you and how much I have missed holding you.  Someday.  Love, your mom